


Fireworks Blink, like a, Heart that Beats

by Kihyunski



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Bottom Yoo Kihyun, Character Death, Childhood Friends, Fireworks, Fluff, Hospital Sex, M/M, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss, Secret Crush, Smut, Top Im Changkyun | I.M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:20:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22071685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kihyunski/pseuds/Kihyunski
Summary: Kihyun and Changkyun are best friends ever since they were toddlers. They were inseparable and their feelings for each other grew by the day.Until Kihyun gets a disease in his teenage years and has to lessen his time with Changkyun. Only to make the younger wonder. Why? And what happened tohisKihyun.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 33





	Fireworks Blink, like a, Heart that Beats

**Author's Note:**

> Wauw, this might, might be the last smut I will write or else I will continued to write smut but not as much as I used to.  
> My goal is to write smutless Changki in fanfictions for this years, i have many ideas for them and written them all out already.  
> It's just, im really struggeling with the subject right know and I am figuring out what to do with it.  
> I hope nonetheless that you dear Changki shippers enjoy my stories.  
> I know that a lot will stop reading them because its not smut.  
> There is still this one smut i have to write for ''Pink Arrow'' whenever i finish that story line though
> 
> Anyways, this is my lame ass newyears present for you guys ^^  
> I really enjoyed writing this and I hope that I brought it good into words.  
> I't a very sad story and CHARACTER DEATH WITH DESEASES so you know.  
> If you cannot handle to read your bias die or anything then do not read this fic
> 
> Yes there is smut in it as well but its a little strange? yet cute?
> 
> okey ill stop talking, support me with kudos and comments  
> i really want to know your thoughts on this fanfiction
> 
> p.s mistakes will be fixed later! i dont have a beta reader!
> 
> much love Kibo <3

Changkyun was a lonely toddler while he spend his years at the kindergarten. He was different then the other kids, he was most of the time silently doing his own thing, even when other kids asked him to play with them, he always declined by shaking his head. The teacher also couldn’t get a word out of him most of the time and even when Changkyun said something it was mere mumble. Until the day arrived when a new boy entered the kindergarten named Kihyun. 

“Alright children, take your seats now and show our new guest how it works’’ The teacher spoke and clapped her hands. All the children took their seats immediately except for Changkyun, who was still lost in his own mind, as he continued to draw on his paper somewhere alone in the classroom. Kihyun’s mother entered the classroom further in with her son, walking hand in hand, Kihyun was sucking on his thumb while holding his plushy loosely around his arm. 

‘’Changkyun’’ The teacher made clear she was speaking to him. The toddler finally looked up and panicked a little, he put down his colored pencils as quickly as he could, without breaking them, he deeply loved his colored pencils. Everyone waited for Changkyun to finally move from his spot, they looked at the tiny body wombling to the chair to get on. Surprisingly the seat beside him was empty, making him confused, he always sat beside the once he used to sit with, if he had too.

‘’Well everyone this is Kihyun, be nice to him because he will be your new classmate!’’ The teacher happily announced while clapping her hands softly. Kihyun’s mother got on her knees to give her son a quick peck on his forehead, she spoke some words a toddler didn’t understand yet, something with picking him up later on but it didn’t matter that much to Kihyun. The toddler was distracted with his eyes emerged on the empty seat beside Changkyun. 

‘’Kihyun you can take your seat beside Changkyun’’ The teacher pointed at the empty chair. Kihyun’s mother left her son after another peck, when she was finally gone, the toddler started to walk to the chair. He removed his thumb from his mouth as he climbed on, made himself comfortable and hugged his plushie with his arms. Then a miracle happened while all the other children were looking at the new one.

‘’Hi, my name is Changkyun’’ The toddler held his hand out to Kihyun, everyone was surprised, even for the teacher, with the way he talked, it was low, even for a kid doing but what more of a shock was that he also opened himself to be touched. Kihyun smiled happily and grabbed the hand with his. ‘’Nice to meet you. My name is Kihyun’’ 

  


Ever since that day, the two were inseparable. Changkyun and Kihyun spend their time together at the kindergarten, they shared everything with each other, knowing that Kihyun was one year older then Changkyun, the younger even let Kihyun use his precious colored pencils, and he was very protective over them. The teacher also noticed that whenever she tried to seperate them, the two got back together somehow, it was also better to let them be together because when Changkyun lost Kihyun he would stop talking, while on the other hand was Kihyun social with the other kids as well. It was for Changkyun’s well being that Kihyun was in his life.

  


Thanks to the two boys, their mothers and fathers became close friends with each other. The toddlers asked numerous of times if they could play together with each other after school. They seemed to live in the same street as well, after Kihyun had finally moved into the new house he would stay at. It was the perfect place for them, their parents made their own schedule of the week, knowing exactly when Changkyun would go to Kihyun and the other way around.

The two families became so close that they decided to ask Kihyun and Changkyun if they wanted to enter the same elementary school, _together_. The kids didn’t even know what their parents meant with, their next school, but when the word _together_ fell of their mouth, they both nodded eagerly and jumped around. 

It was like their life repeated itself but only years later, when they grew up more and more, their parents got worried to the point when the two stayed close to the same height but nonetheless found it rather funny, in that way they could share their clothes easily. Changkyun and Kihyun became best friends in kindergarten but became best friends forever in elementary school. 

Normally a teacher would decide a place for you to work at in the period before the next holiday started. They wanted to place the children next to the opposite behaviour, so they could sort of help each other grow but they soon noticed whenever they seperated Kihyun and Changkyun that Changkyun was the rebellion one, and everytime when something happened Kihyun had to come and calm him down.

So they came with the idea to put them next to each other most of the time or, beside different children but still close enough to one another. In that way, the two created their own friend group, Changkyun grew in his social skills thanks to it, but it was still, mostly because of Kihyun. 

Things started to change only a little when they got in grade 8 of elementary school, their last and most important year. The children where now close to their age of experience their body on their own because their secondary genitals would start growing sooner or later. Also puberty became a thing, Changkyun and Kihyun became the complete opposite of each other. Kihyun was bold, talkative, bubbly, extrovert and had the amazing abilities to sing, getting a lot of girls to like him. Changkyun on the other hand became an introvert, lazy to talk, but once something got his interest he worked for it, showing his ambition and thanks to his talent for rap, a lot of girls started to like him as well.

  


Nonetheless the two never actually liked a girl strong enough to try out some things, the two were still none stop busy with each other until the day arrived, were the teacher gave a lesson about love, contraceptives and a little bit about sex, but not to much. It had happened on a friday when the weekend finally began. Changkyun and Kihyun walked back home together and today was it Changkyun’s turn to join Kihyun’s house.

‘’Mom I am Home!’’ Kihyun yelled once he had opened the door, entering the hallway. ‘’Welcome home sweetheart and Cha-’’ His mother asked but Changkyun already interrupted her. ‘’I am here miss Yoo!’’ He said. Kihyun hopped on the stairs to his room while Changkyun gave a quick wave to Kihyun’s mother in the living room to then follow Kihyun. 

Kihyun dropped his things and got onto his bed, when seconds later the bed sank a little and Changkyun landed on top of the elder. ‘’Ah Changkyunie you became heavy!’’ Kihyun giggled while hugging the other. ‘’Means I am the top’’ Changkyun winked as he got up, hands both besides Kihyun’s head looking down at the older. ‘’Top?’’ Kihyun asked in confusion but Changkyun seemed to know what he was talking about. ‘’’What our teacher explained duh, when you are in a relationship, there is a top and the bottom, she explained shortly, in who leads the sex, is most of the time the top you know, as in the boy’’ Changkyun explained.

Kihyun started to giggle. ‘’What so funny?’’ It was now his turn to be confused because only Yoo Kihyun was able to get Changkyun off guard like that. ‘’But we are both boy’s Changkyun, who is gonna top between us?’’ Kihyun asked out of the blue. Their teacher also explained that love was possible with the same sex, but still talked about it in very limited lines. Changkyun’s eyes widen for a second. Who would be the top? ‘’Wait hold on, you want something with me?’’ 

He asked just to be sure and looked at Kihyun who became bright red. ‘’What no! we are best friends Changkyun!’’ He quickly explained. Nonetheless felt Changkyun a little sting in his heart but he didn’t know why, also not knowing how badly Kihyun’s heart was aching. Love with the same gender was possible but most people saw it as, not right, what if Kihyun was a girl? or what if he was one himself, would they have been each others boyfriends or girlfriends?

Changkyun quickly shook that thought off because it was really scary to think that way in this early state of his life. ‘’In that case, I am the top, because you are not pushing me away’’ The younger responded with a giggle but soon felt the mattress come in contact with his back. 

‘’That is not true! I top you!’’ Kihyun giggled but Changkyun already started a counter attack. So the two romped around until finally a top was chosen that day. Changkyun had won, but Kihyun wasn’t sure about their final match. The two went down to ask Kihyun’s parents who they saw as the top on IF they ever got into a relationship. Without a second to wait his parents answered that Changkyun would be the top so he finally gave in. Changkyun thought it was a good moment to piss of Kihyun a little more and decided to peck the elder his cheek for the first time. Kihyun chased the younger to his house and asked Changkyun’s parents who they saw as the top IF they ever got into a relationship. 

To Kihyun’s surprise they said that he would be the bottom, 2-0 for Changkyun, the younger cheered beside him so Kihyun started to chase him to his room. Changkyun laughed as he hide under his covers from his bed, expecting a Kihyun to land on top of him for revenge but it never came. Only the sound of a door closing softly was heard, it made Changkyun remove his sheets while sitting up, Kihyun was standing there against the door with a huge pout on his face.

‘’Hey what’s up Ki?’’ Changkyun asked, stepping out of bed, walking to the elder. ‘’I don’t understand why they would see me as a bottom..it’s a weak position’’Kihyun softly began. ‘’Oh Kiki, it’s not, you know, bottoms are strong, because they have to handle what their top is doing’’ Changkyun explained, once he stopped in front of the elder, Kihyun didn’t look weak at all in his eyes, he was the stronger person he had ever seen, so strong to make himself talk when he was a young age, and he refused to do it at first.

‘’Really?’’ Kihyun asked to be sure. Changkyun laid his hands on Kihyun’s hips, having no idea where he got the confidence from. ‘’Yes, especially since you are my bottom, and I am a hand full’’ Changkyun began but was soon pushed off from Kihyun’s body. The two laughed a lot that afternoon, romped around until they got tired and Kihyun gave in that he was indeed a bottom. Changkyun’s bottom.

  


The time they spend in grade 8 was better than all the other years they had made at their elementary school. It was June, the time where their teachers skipped most of their theory lessons to practice on the musical instead, pronouncing the same speech, that it had to be better, because it would be the last year they would spend as a group. It was different then all the other times when their teacher said those words, because Kihyun was awfully quiet while walking on the way home, that even Changkyun didn’t know what to do. Until they walked passed the playground where they played as toddlers for the first time together outside school.

‘’Hey Ki, want to swing a little?’’ Changkyun offered. Kihyun hummed softly, a little absent in his mind. The younger rolled his eyes and gave no shit about the things that Kihyun was thinking of, he grabbed his hand and changed their direction. ‘’Wow Changkyun!?’’ 

Kihyun asked confused, Changkyun smiled to himself as he succeeded to get the older his attention in no time. They stopped in front of the swings, Changkyun made the older sit down on one of them and got behind him, he touched his back to slowly start to bring the swing with Kihyun in motion. Kihyun smiled to himself, silently enjoying the moment. ‘’What’s bothering you Ki?’’ Changkyun asked in curiosity once again. 

‘’Oh you know, what our teacher said, it’s our last year together, from then on we... aren’t together anymore’’ Kihyun explained, there was no use in hiding his feeling because Changkyun always managed to make him talk, it was like magic. ‘’That’s bulshit Ki, I will never leave you and you will never leave me’’ Changkyun answered, the swing got to a nice height so it was safe for him to stop. The younger walked to the side, leaning against a pole to admire his hyung. ‘’I know but still.. what if we don’t get accepted to the same school?’’ Kihyun asked. ‘’Don’t worry hyung, we will’’ Changkyun smiled at him reassuringly, watching how Kihyun smiled back at him.

Then the elder gasped painfully, suddenly putting his feet on the ground to stop the swing from moving. _‘’Changkyun’’_ Kihyun groaned out in pain, moving his arms around his body. Tears started to form in his eyes, those tears made Changkyun jump up from his spot and rushed over to Kihyun. ‘’Hyung what’s wrong!?’’ Changkyun asked as he hugged Kihyun. The elder completely dropped his weight onto him, it made the younger fall on his butt. ‘’Ki!?’’ He panicked when he felt how there was no motion in Kihyun’s chest. Changkyun eyes widen, his heart had stopped, Kihyun’s heart had stopped, there was no beat, no pump, no movement, nothing. Footsteps were to be heard so the looked up in panic, not giving a damn of who he saw at that point but already thought about screaming for help, and thank god, he saw his own parents walking by. 

  


‘’MOM, DAD, KIHYUN’S HEART STOPPED BEATING!’’

  


It was the most painfull day for Changkyun in his whole life, he never imagined to see Kihyun’s body disappear in an ambulance with his crying parents next to him. He was allowed to be in the ambulance as well, but he didn’t understand why he sat there, silently letting his tears stream down as he looked at Kihyun’s form on the emergency bed, mouth mask on, and body attached to weird colored dread to a machine. The ambulance people did a great job in getting Kihyun’s heart back alive but it was weak, nonetheless it was there.

They got to the hospital as fast as possible where they started to do test on Kihyun’s body. Only his parents were now allowed to be with him and Changkyun understood it, he was in the waiting room with his own who tried to comfort him because he wouldn’t stop crying.  
Seconds become minutes and minutes became hours. The test took in a lot of time but the test results were a true pain to the heart, time was really killing in moments like these, until the door from the hall finally opened, and a doctor came walking towards Changkyun and his parents with Kihyun’s mother. Changkyun never felt so dumb in his life because he didn’t understand 99% of what the doctor said, the only thing that stayed in his mind was.

  


_‘’Kihyun has only a few years to live’’_

  


Things changed drastically for Changkyun. He wasn’t allowed to be with Kihyun as much as he used to, it was so painful that his heart was in constant pain, nights of crying. His true rebellion nature came up once again because his sweet Kihyun was partly gone from his life. The empty chair beside him in class was horrible, the first periode was the worst, he would cry randomly throughout the day so the teacher could only send him home. The first weeks without Kihyun meant crying in bed every single day for Changkyun. It made the older realise how broken he was about him, and the worst part of all was, that Kihyun’s parents promised him that he could see Kihyun soon but the day never came.

The crying stopped but Changkyun never forgot Kihyun. Kihyun never got accepted to their middle school because of his disease and it was the second time for Changkyun that he was alone and had to start all over again, but he never turned back to the toddler he once was, Kihyun changed him, in a social person. Changkyun got his group of friends in his first year which he spend the next year and the last year. Kihyun never came back, and Changkyun never saw Kihyun for those three years but, Kihyun never left his mind.

It was new years eve, something Changkyun and Kihyun always enjoyed together, they never went outside or bought fireworks, it was a shame of the money really, so they made a promise to watch the fireworks in each others room, together, with a blanket around them as they looked at the night sky filled with fireworks but Changkyun knew that this year was going to be different, sadly. 

The younger walked outside for the first time, he really missed Kihyun for a whole damn year, even longer since he passed his first year in high school as well. Changkyun walked and walked, closer to Kihyun’s house, it was at least the closest he could get to him until he stopped. There, right at Kihyun’s window, was Kihyun himself. Changkyun blinked, once, twice even thrice and more times to be really, really sure that he was looking at Kihyun.

Kihyun looked older, thinner and tired, his hands were against the window, showing of how cold it was, the hands didn’t seem warm but empty. He was looking up, to the fireworks, like he always used to do with Changkyun. _‘’Kihyun’’_

Changkyun whispered to himself, there was no way that Kihyun could have heard him. The fireworks were deaf making, every explosion made your ears drum like crazy. Nonetheless, froze Changkyun right on spot, because it almost seemed like Kihyun heard him. The older had moved his head to were Changkyun was standing, the younger looked around, to make sure if Kihyun was indeed looking at him. He then turned back to Kihyun, who seemed to be crying with a smile on his face and then everything went silent for Changkyun. No more loud banging from the fireworks, all that matter was that Kihyun was there, alive, looking at him, while he hadn’t seen him for so long.

Something snapped deep down inside Changkyun, he didn’t know what was happening but he ran and ran, closer to Kihyun’s house. He jumped over the fence to the wall side with the high ivy leading to Kihyun’s room. Without a doubt, climbed the younger up, he felt the eyes of his best friend looking at him, and it felt so familiar. Changkyun looked up and saw how Kihyun was struggling to open the window. He was as desperate as Changkyun to be with him.

Changkyun climbed his way to the window, when he finally reached it, it opened just in time. The younger wasn’t good at sport and was rather lazy during PE class, but he was eager to get to Kihyun, even ready to run a marathon for him. So he jumped out of the window into Kihyun’s room, where arms wrapped around his body in a welcome home form. _‘’Ki..’’_

Changkyun said as he felt his own tears streaming down, taking his beloved Kihyun in his arms. _‘’Changkyun’’_ Kihyun replied him while he was shaking, his emotions needed to escape from his body. The two hadn’t seen each other for so long while they had been together from the day when they first met. ‘’Ki.. are you okay..? How are you..? I miss you.. whats going on with you.. please.. I need to know.. I want to know’’ Changkyun rambled out but Kihyun shushed him. ‘’In time’’ Is what Kihyun answered, slowly pulling Changkyun with him to the bed. Changkyun noticed the sign and got down with him, getting under the covers, still with his clothes on. It didn’t matter because he was with Kihyun. Even when he wanted to spend the whole night awake just to be with him, he couldn’t, it wouldn’t do anything good to Kihyun and to be honest, Changkyun slept like shit ever since Kihyun left his sight.

So they slept for the night, in each others arms, missing the commotion outside with the policie who had been looking for Changkyun, his parents made an alert that their son had disappeared, only to be found the next morning by Kihyun’s parents in their son his bed, hugging each other, arms tangelend, like they would never let go of each other. 

  


They didn’t saw each other after that anymore, Changkyun was scolded pretty badly because he brought Kihyun’s life in danger, although the younger didn’t know why but he didn’t gave up. There were other ways to stay in touch, Kihyun didn’t had a mobile phone, his parents explained that it would be bad for his system. So Changkyun came with a different solution, letters. Throughout the three years of Kihyun’s absence in his life, was he still alive, in the letters he wrote to Changkyun. The younger wrote Kihyun every single day of the year to only get a few letters back in return. 

Once again Kihyun’s parents explained that Kihyun his energy was completely gone, but that Changkyun’s letters brought a light in him so Changkyun was patience, he waited for Kihyun’s letters and kept them in a yearbook., reading them from time to time when he was feeling sad.

  


Changkyun’s second new years eve arrived, the memory from last year came back to his mind. He didn’t know how long Kihyun had his time to live or what was actually wrong with him, none explained it to him like they should. His mind wandered back to Kihyun again, would he be with his window again? Changkyun took his chances, he knows that Kihyun’s loved fireworks more than anything. He waited for the clock to hit 12 AM, celebrated a short cheers with his family and went outside after, hoping to find Kihyun once again behind his window. 

As if it was meant to be. Changkyun stopped down the street, looking up to Kihyun’s window, and there he was once again. A smile formed itself on the younger his cheek, he couldn’t hide his excitement anymore so he started to wave both of his hands, getting Kihyun’s attention immediately. Kihyun smiled, just like last year, tears rolled down his cheek because his parents locked his window. Not that it would stop Changkyun from telling Kihyun what he always wanted to tell him. 

Kihyun watched from his window how Changkyun moved his hand in his pocket and brought out a tiny paper. He unfolded it to a bigger and bigger even a bigger piece of paper with the tekst on it. I LOVE YOU, written in capital letters. Yes, he loved Kihyun, he never once did anything in his years at school with girls, because his heart belonged to one person who wouldn’t be here for long. Yoo Kihyun. ‘’I love you Kihyun.’’ He whispered to himself. Kihyun started to breath softly against the window, creating a big moisty fog, his finger smoothly wrote against the window. _‘’I love you too, Changkyun’’_

Changkyun smiled, they loved each other. His heart was filled with hope and joy, a feeling he hadn’t felt in a while but it had returned. The smile on Kihyun’s face just showed how sincere Kihyun was in his words. It didn’t last for long though, Kihyun was sick, very sick, his heart started to beat faster, causing an enormous pain. Changkyun looked at Kihyun, how he screamed for his parents and started to cough. _‘’Kihyun?’’_ Changkyun asked himself but his answer was clear once he saw Kihyun covering his mouth with blood dripping down from his hand. Kihyun was in danger. ‘’Kihyun!!’’ 

  


‘’I am so sorry to announce this news’’ Kihyun’s mother started, her husband was stroking her back gently up and down. Changkyun sat down between his parents on the couch the morning of january the first, receiving the news that Kihyun had been moved to the hospital and had to stay there for the rest of his life, his body was not able to function on it’s own anymore. ‘’Can I see him?’’ Is all what Changkyun dared to ask, but his answer was like every other year but now vurbally. ‘’On new years eve’’

It was a hell of a year for Changkyun, he barely passed through each project alive, teachers were less nicer then the years before because this was his exam year after all. Thank to his friends he didn’t drop anything but what him motivated the most was Kihyun. Kihyun knew as was well as Changkyun himself, that they would see each other next year, on new years eve. Thanks to those thoughts the year went by like it was nothing, he rejected each girl only to be loyal to Kihyun, skipped the exam party to go through a horrible slow summer holiday that his friends managed to fill in. Finally it was 31 december.

  


That evening they drove to the hospital where Changkyun waited inside the waiting room for his parents to come back with the information that Changkyun needed. They said goodbye to their son and said that he should take the time he needed. His parents left through the door once the fireworks started but there were still a few minutes left before the new year. 

With the paper in his hand, the precious information of Kihyun’s room number, starts Changkyun his way to his crush. He got more nervous the second time ticket faster, every step he took, meaning a meter closer to Kihyun, until he stopped right in front of the door, he was 18 years now, and 5 of them without him. Five whole years without Kihyun, so much he experienced, so much he wanted to tell, but he wouldn’t, it would be him and Kihyun, Kihyun and him, their moment, their talk. 

Changkyun opened the hospital door that felt awfully cold, as he got inside the room, closing the door behind him. His eyes look at the big window, showing a lot of different colors that were being displayed by the fireworks, their sounds were blocked off by the thick walls, causing less stress for their patients. 

And there he was, his Kihyun, sitting against the head of the hospital bed, with all kind of dreads attached to his body, looking out of the window. Changkyun thought that he was looking at the fireworks but he wasn’t. The younger looked at the smile of Kihyun in the reflection of the mirror, making Changkyun automatically smile right back at him. _‘’Hey there Ki’’_

He began softly, Kihyun turned his head around to Changkyun, showing a real smile. ‘’Changkyun..’’ He replied while tapping on the bed, motioning for Changkyun to come closer. The younger obeyed, taking a sit on the hospital bed, close to Kihyun his waist. ‘’Will you tell me what is wrong with you?’’ Changkyun carefully began, he had the right to know what was going on with his Kihyun, he waited for so many years, and no one told him. If Kihyun could then he would but he couldn’t, the only thing that Changkyun knows that Kihyun would die, very, very soon. 

Kihyun took a deep breath and finally let out what he wanted to say. ‘’I got a heart disease Changkyun, I have been living with stress for as long as I can remember and the stress started to take advantage of my heart, it damaged it so badly that it made it possible to stop.. on.. that day’’ He explained. ‘’You mean.. you have been struggling inside with stress when we were back in grade 8?’’ Changkyun asked and Kihyun nodded as an answer. ‘’I was so scared to well, be apart from everyone but mostly you, and I wanted to stay with you no matter what, it got to me emotional, I was so scared and it stressed me out ever since the beginning of grade 8 or at least, that’s when the most stress came to me, I had this even since I was a toddler, ever since…. I met you’’ Kihyun continued. 

Slowly the pieces were coming together inside of Changkyun’s mind, he was the cause of Kihyun’s heart problems? but why? and how? ‘’But..’’ Changkyun felt guilt rising in his heart, it even started to ache painfully so he lays his hands on his. The love of his life was getting hurt by no other then himself. ‘’I’m sorry Changkyun.. but I love you.. like you said last year with your paper.. I was just bad at handling it and it took its turn on me, with of course all the stress from life and school..I’m so sorry’’

Changkyun shook his head. There was no way for Kihyun to apologize, Changkyun should apologize instead because he was the one taking his life after all. Kihyun grabbed Changkyun’s face to make him stop shaking to only then return them. ‘’I asked who would top out of us, because I would wanted nothing more then to be in a relationship with you, but you didn’t understood me back then’’

Kihyun confessed but Changkyun broke down. Was Kihyun’s stress mostly coming from the thoughts of them being best friends while Kihyun actually wanted to be in a relationship with Changkyun at that time? All those years Kihyun thought that Changkyun friend zoned him until last year. He was so stupid, so goddamn stupid. ‘’No I am sorry Kihyun…. for not noticing it, but I like you, seriously, I really want to-’’ Changkyuns words got cut of by Kihyun’s index finger on his lips. The younger watched how the elder got more quiet, leaned further away from Changkyun against the head of the bed, his facial expressions turned sad, sadder than ever before. ‘’Please, don’t say it.. we… can’t’’ Kihyun explained, when an enormous bang sound from the firework outside was heard, but neither of the boys flinched, neither looked at it either.

‘’Please.. Kihyun…’’ The younger almost never spoke out Kihyun’s full name, it was weird, really weird, it was always Ki or Kiki or whatever funny nickname they came up with back in the day. It was to be seen in Kihyun eyes. The latter looked scared, eyes shimmering in the reflection of the popping firework from the window while he leaned against the head of the hospital bed. Not that he heard the fireworks, or the constant ticking of the pointers from the clock. His ears were focused on Changkyun’s voice and his only.

‘’Let me show you, just this once.. How much I love you ’’ Changkyun kicked of his shoes in a careful way, his movements were slow and almost delightful, he was always gentle with Kihyun and wouldn’t stop it now, his goal was not to give his hyung more stress then he would get soon. So he sat more on the bed, slowly turning to his sick hyung.

‘’Because I really want to.. now I still can...’’ Changkyun said in a mere whispers but to Kihyun it was loud and clear, to loud actually, because the words made his heart sting even more, he was so afraid to be love, it could be so dangerous that it could be the cause of his death. ‘’No.. kyun.. you will regret it..’’

Kihyun’s voice was filled with different elements, but mostly ice, his voice was smooth and soft but it cracked because of the fear he was holding in, it was no good for his heart. Nonetheless shook Changkyun his head. He carefully moved a little closer to Kihyun and reached out to his hand but the older limited himself, taking his hand further away from Changkyun, it was so difficult for Kihyun, his stubbornness was one of the things that younger loved the most about him. 

‘’Please.. Ki… I really want to, and I know.. that you want it too..’’ Changkyun watched how Kihyun froze, tears filling up the rim of his eyes, mouth slightly agape, as if he wants to continue his protest but Changkyun had him, but he knew, for a very long time, that Kihyun liked him as much as Changkyun loved him. 

‘’Changkyun, no.. we can’t do it’’ Kihyun spoke while looking down at his lap but Changkyun grabbed his hand really careful, starting to stroke it with his thumb, he sat with both knees on the bed now, looking at Kihyun with the most sincere eyes he had. His other hand moved automatically to the elder his chin, lifting it up while the tears from Kihyun’s eyes escape in a waterfall rolling down, while they show a short movie of a firework flying up in thin water trail, and when they explode, a bright sparkle spread over his eyes.

‘’Give me one good reason’’ Changkyun urged, he let smoothly go of Kihyun’s hand, making sure that it was secure on the blanket before he laid his hand on the elder his cheek. ‘’I will die tomorrow’’ Kihyun said with trembling lips and fear in his voice. ‘’I will leave you, it will kill me’’ Kihyun closed his eyes, leaning in on Changkyun’s touch, letting the feeling of the younger his fingers sink into the memory of his skin. 

‘’Kihyun, I can do it very carefully for you, so careful that you won’t die’’ Changkyun answers so softly that Kihyun almost believed it, but no matter what Changkyun did, he wouldn’t make it because Changkyun was here right now. ‘’Okay..just this once’’

Kihyun gave in, he couldn’t wait anymore, even when he wanted to live, wanted to write letters to Changkyun, wanted to watch the fireworks each year, but, would it be worth to live a life of stress? And not being able to touch the one he loved the most? 

The older opened his eyes, watched how a red firework exploded in the reflection of Changkyun’s eyes. The younger smiled back at him before he closed his eyes. Kihyun followed, closing his eyes and waited, he waited so many years to sort out his feelings, so these seconds where really killing him but as soon as Changkyun’s lips touched his, it felt all better, it felt like life found his body once again.

Kihyun never felt like this in his whole life, his heart was jumping with joy, letting out a feeling he never felt before, or maybe that one night when he slept in Changkyun’s arms. His arms were soft, but nothing was softer than Changkyun’s lips, who were kissing Kihyun slowly, tender and gentle as if he was made out of pure glass, and it made Kihyun feel worth to life on a little longer and give his life away totally to feel Changkyun.

Changkyun removed Kihyun’s blankets carefully of off him, revealing Kihyun in the typical hospital clothes but he didn’t care. He moved the fabric up with one hand over Kihyun’s hips, caressing the elder his tights with his hands, fingers moving over the skin with tightly, not even squeezing it. He seriously couldn’t wait any longer, yet he had to be patience. 

Changkyun replaced his lips over and over again softly on Kihyun’s lips, the latter started to hum and moan softly against his skin, he tasted good, like the fresh sparkling water mixed with fireworks, his source of life, that Changkyun waited for each and many years. Kihyun moves his own hands over his own body, feeling where the dreads were attached to his skin and started to slowly rip those of his body, because he didn’t need those right now, he needed Changkyun and Changkyun only. 

The younger continued to kiss him, even nibbling softly on the lips to ask for permission which, Kihyun gave obviously really quick. The elder moved his lips apart to take Changkyun’s soft, sweet and wet tongue inside of him, it was an overwhelming feeling, his heart started to beat even faster, jumped more in delight because god, Changkyun tasted so good, he tasted like magic, indescribable. Their tongue dances passed each other, left, right up and down, Changkyun made sure to lick every part of Kihyun to make him taste like himself, claiming each spot until they needed air.

Kihyun broke the kiss first while he closed his eyes painfully, this was going a little to rough for him, yet everything was so soft, but his heart wouldn’t make it like this. _‘’Shh Kihyun’’_ Changkyun spoke against the older his ear and continued to chant some sweet, caring and relaxing words while he moved the boxers of the elder down. His free hand found his way around Kihyun’s semi hard length, starting to stroke it with care, love and in a gentle way, getting the length up with the attention it received.

Kihyun laid back comfortable in his bed, humming from the feeling over his length, he kept his eyes closed, focusing on Changkyun’s words to calm his heart. He panicked a little bit and let out a squeal when he suddenly felt a finger enter his body. ‘’It’s okay hyung, you are doing great, calm down, it will feel good, calm down my love, I am here’’ Changkyun rambled on but it seemed to work. Kihyun managed to keep his breath intact while he focused on Changkyun’s words and relaxed his hole so another finger could enter him easily.

His own hand went to Changkyun’s, to intertwine their fingers together, squeezing each other in a soft moresecode, not painful but gentle, sometimes a better squeeze then the one before because Changkyun started to scissor Kihyun open, he wasn’t allowed to touch too much, it meant stress. He wanted to touch Changkyun too, to give him attention, sharing was caring right? 

Kihyun hummed softly, keeping the sounds for himself but Changkyun thought differently. He leans in to Kihyun’s neck and started to nibble on the skin while inserting another finger. ‘’Aaahh’’ 

Kihyun let out a moan, three fingers should do the trick and was the safest way to assume that Kihyun would be able to take him. Changkyun’s fingers went inside of Kihyun in a calm rhyme, sometimes curling his fingers or spreading them, just nice enough to keep Kihyun in the humming mess his was until he entered his fingers a little deeper and hit that spot. Kihyun’s heart ached but a wave of pleasure hit his body right after. ‘’No, Changkyun.. stop that’s it’’ he warned.

If Changkyun would hit that spot more times then Kihyun could handle ment a shorter sex session. So Changkyun got the hint and withdrew his fingers carefully, looking at how the whole clenched at nothing while Kihyun let out a disapproval moan. It was now time for Changkyun to get naked as quickly as possible, there wasn’t much time so the younger stripped himself quickly, freeing his cock that had been aching inside ever since their session started. 

Kihyun peaked between his tired eyelids to see how big Changkyun was and shit, he was, but something else caught his eyes more then the delicious length of Changkyun, what caught his attention was the wet stream of tears, rolling down Changkyun’s cheek. He was crying, Kihyun never saw Changkyun cry, it really was the first time in his 19 years on earth to see Changkyun cry. ‘’No.. please don’t cry, please don’t’’ Kihyun spoke out in a trembling voice.

He wanted to get up and comfort him, he wanted to hug him, to touch him, but Changkyun was touching him and Kihyun watched how the younger came closer and closer, so close that their foreheads touched, their eyes met up close. ‘’Shh it’s okay, they are happy tears hyung’’ Changkyun had let go of Kihyun’s length to keep himself up on the bed. The two looked in each others eyes, looking at their own reflection that came to life in the tears, tears who were mixed with happiness, longing, love but true sadness hidden in them.

They watched how the same firework, flew up through the way of tears into the eye, exploding into a new light. It was the point were Changkyun leaned in to kiss Kihyun again with the love he was helding for the older, all the love he saved over the years, came out alive in their kiss. Changkyun got rid of his own clothes in the meantime, breaking the kiss slowly to remove his own jacket and shirt. ‘’Are you ready?’’ He asked to be sure.

Kihyun looked at Changkyun with the purest angelic smile that Changkyun had ever seen, both of their hearts ached at the same time, as if they felt each others pain at the exact moment. Kihyun got closer, showing his little strength he got. ‘’I am ready’’ His whispered against Changkyun’s lips and the younger took no time to kiss the soft, plump lips. He lined up his length against Kihyun entrance.

The older started to shiver but Changkyun moved Kihyun’s arms around his own neck, guiding him, showing that there was nothing to be afraid of while both of their hearts were pumping rapidly with fear and longing. Kihyun broke the kiss to hide his face against Changkyun’s neck while the younger slowly entered inside of him. Both gasped with how good it fel.

Changkyun rested once the tip of his length was inside Kihyun. He felt Kihyun’s heart beating so fast that it was unreal, so he moved his head down right to Kihyun’s chest and started to peck the skin. Kihyun hummed softly, placing his hands on Changkyun’s shoulder instead, he squeezed them to let Changkyun knew he could move and so Changkyun did. 

The younger went with his kisses upwards while rocking his hips softly, pushing his length fully inside to take it slowly back, letting Kihyun get used to the feeling. Kihyun gasped and hummed softly while he felt Changkyun moved inside and his lips up over his skin to his neck, not stopping there, he went over the neck to Kihyun’s lips and halted them to kiss them.

He moved his hips a little faster to fill up Kihyun more and careful, Kihyun spread his legs a little to make it easier for Changkyun while he kissed him back. His body received numerous waves of pleasure making his heart jump over and jump over again. It felt so great to have Changkyun finally inside, his walls tightening around the pulsating member to try and keep it in his place as it kept on moving. Changkyun groaned deeply and low in the kiss, breaking it softly. He moved his arms around under Kihyun’s armpits to hold his shoulder blade, moving his length possible deeper, closer to Kihyun, it was finally the closest how he could get.

Kihyun gasped once Changkyun hit that spot that send an electronic wave through Kihyun’s body. ‘’Changkyun..’’ Kihyun alarmed. Changkyun stopped for a second, was it wrong? Did he needed to stop. The younger looked up to his hyung, Kihyun had stopped crying and so did he, a loud bang was heard in the background from the fireworks that made both of their eyes shine at the same time. ‘’Hit it’’ Is all what Kihyun had to say before Changkyun attacked his lips and devoured him softly.

Changkyun sat up better, lined his cock deeper inside Kihyun and started to move his hips like he wanted them to move, faster and more, yet soft and lovingly, he got to the point where he hit the spot and Kihyun threw his head back on the pillows. ‘’Changkyun!’’ He yelled out, encouraging the younger to go faster and so, Changkyun did. He let go of Kihyun to only grab his hips instead, slamming inside Kihyun’s tight heat. His walls kept on squeezing Changkyun’s length, making the younger grow bigger inside. ‘’Kihyun’’ He softly cries out, the elder looked at Changkyun, how his tears streamed down once again. ‘’It feels so good.. I love you’’ Changkyun took his break to lean over Kihyun and capture his lips. ‘’I love you too, Changkyun, you feel amazing’’ And with those words in his heart started Changkyun to quicken his pace more. Both of their lengths were leaking pre cum, only waiting to finally release their load. Changkyun went for that spot and hit it, making Kihyun moan out his name and shiver under him. He hit is again and again, abusing the spot, pleasuring the both of them with a wave after wave. His own cock was swelling big time in Kihyun. ‘’Hyung, I am coming’’ He announced. ‘’Me too, Changkyun!’’ 

A loud bang from the firework was heard as the both of them came at the same time. Changkyun released himself deeply inside of Kihyun when the older came between them. The younger rode out his orgasm before he left Kihyun’s body. ‘’Let me clean us up, don’t move’’ He strictly ordered Kihyun, the older flashed him a wide grin with a cuckle, letting him know it was okay. 

Changkyun left the bed to get some tissues and clean them up, he put his clothes back on, helping Kihyun to put his boxers on as well. The both of them laid down beside each other, hands wrapped around their bodies like they used to. Changkyun and Kihyun looked at each other with knowing smiles but Changkyun couldn’t contain himself, he had Kihyun now and wanted to show him as much love as possible. So he laid his hand on the elder his cheek, stroking it softly while he watched a few more fireworks in his eyes explode. _‘’You are the light of my love Kihyun’’_ He confessed.

Kihyun just smiled, he just smiled, and Changkyun had to smile back. _‘’The same goes for you, you are my firework, my light for each year’’_ Kihyun replied. It was the most sweetest thing that Kihyun ever said to Changkyun in his life. ‘’I know’’ Changkyun said with a grin and closed his eyes like Kihyun, he moved their forehead together. _‘’let’s rest now, you need it’’_ he continued while he brought his hand to Kihyun’s back of his neck, stroking the hair and skin softly in a nice rhythm, _‘’Yes, goodnight Changkyun’’_ Kihyun replied with a peck on the younger his lips. 

Changkyun fell asleep first after a few minutes, being really tired after their session, he wanted to stay away longer but he couldn’t. Kihyun opened his eyes once his heart ached again, causing an enormous pain inside his chest, spreading out over his body. The older covered his mouth with his hand when blood was coming out of it. Kihyun quickly grabbed a paper from under his pillow and moved it inside Changkyun’s pocket. He tried to muffle his coughing as much as possible, it took a while though but it stopped. Kihyun removed his hand, showing of a stream of thin blood from the corner of his mouth. 

One last firework banged so loud in the sky that it made Kihyun’s heart explode in the same and final beat. The lights illuminated the sky that Kihyun followed with his eyes, until the colors faded more and his eyes decided to watch only one color, black.

The next morning arrived, the sun shined through the hospital window right on Changkyun and Kihyun’s body, in the hospital bed. Changkyun woke up, stretching his body in the progress while opening his eyes. He was met with a sight he never hoped to see anytime soon. There was Kihyun’s body, eyes closed, it first looked like a sleeping body but Changkyun knew better, way better, because colors were his thing, and the color from Kihyun’s body had faded. _‘’No…’’_ Changkyun whispered to himself.

He brought his hand to Kihyun’s cheek, he flinched back because the skin was ice cold. Kihyun was dead, he died while sleeping. Tears escaped Changkyun’s eyes faster than a waterfall. Kihyun was gone, his Kihyun left the world like he promised. It was strange for Kihyun’s parents to let Changkyun be with Kihyun in the first place and even more, to not interrupt them at all.

Kihyun was dead and there was nothing that Changkyun could do,beside sitting up and cry his heart out in his hands but he felt something moving in his pocket, something that wasn’t supposed to be there. His hands went inside his pocket, grabbed the object which seemed to be a paper. Changkyun looked confused to it, there was a little bit of blood on the paper. The younger looked at Kihyun and noticed the blood on the corner of his lips only now. 

Changkyun gasped softly as he looked back to the paper, he quickly unfold it, reading the first letters. _To Changkyun_

  


  


_Dear Changkyun,_

_I’m so sorry to write this letter to you but I really have to, my life is coming to an end, my body is out of control. I love you so much but I do not know how to control it and I am sorry, I am failing you while you continue on living. I won’t make this long because I don’t want to see you cry, please don’t cry my love.._

_I haven’t seen you on my birthdays after middle school, my parents told me you couldn’t be with me anymore because of my condition, when you read this I am probably dead and I explained the situation to you in the hospital._

_You see, the presents I asked for my birthday was to look from the fireworks, you know how much I love them, So I knew that I could be close to you through watching them, not believing to see you actually going outside to my house, but it was the best present ever._

_Those two times meant a lot to me, after our second encounter my condition became worse, because I missed you, I had to go to a hospital for it because I missed you so much and my parents didn’t allow me to go to you to be with you. Even though I could have lived longer, I didn’t want to anymore._

_My nineteenth birthday present I asked from my parents was.. was that I could see you, in the hospital at new years eve as my final goodbye._

_So here you are, reading my last words._

_Continue to live Changkyun, I love you…._

  


  


Changkyun looked at his tears that fell on the paper, he crushed it with his hands and pressed it against his chest, crying his heart out. ‘’Kihyun! I love you!’’ He screamed on the top of his lungs when finally, the door opened and Kihyun’s parents came inside. They rushed over to the teenager and took him in their arms, saying that it was okay and that Kihyun wanted this. They already said their goodbye to their son. 

Changkyun was brought home to his parents when he finally calmed down, the funeral would be in a few days already but Changkyun wasn’t ready for it. Even when he said goodbye to Kihyun, one time was enough. Sadly time didn’t stop and the day came where he stood there in front of Kihyun’s grave, dressed up in all black and many people around him, even his own friends who supported him. Once the funeral was over placed Changkyun a rose on Kihyun’s grave. ‘’I’ll come to you as fast as possible, please wait for me’’ He whispered as he got up, a tear fell down from his eyes onto the rose. Changkyun turned around and went home. 

His life was a mess for the first time ever, stress overcame him when he entered his next education, blowing it completely up alread. It was like he became the toddler he used to be. He shut down everyone from his life, his friends from middle and high school, not only those, but his parents as well. No one could get a word out of him, not even someone who had a degree in professional hulp. Changkyun was broken, his life with Kihyun was gone, he could try to live on and he tried as first but the stress was overwhelming him while Kihyun was his source of rest, but he was gone. 

Not much later Changkyun started to go through several waves of pain from his heart, it was the first time in month he confessed to his parents about his problems. ‘’Changkyun you seriously need help!’’ His mother screamed. Changkyun removed his hands from his hair. “Litsen mom! I don’t want any help! I want to die!’’ He yelled from the top of his lungs. His mother and father froze in fear. It was true, Changkyun didn’t saw the point in living anymore, he knew that Kihyun was waiting for him in heaven and he wanted to join him soon. ‘’Please just… lets spend this year, how we want it to be, until new years eve..’’ 

‘’But why?’’ His mother asked and walked over to her son, taking him in a hug. His father did the same thing, he wanted to hold what he brought on the earth together with his wife. _‘’I want to be with Kihyun’’_ Changkyun spoke softly as he started to cry. It was a painful day for the family because they talked everything through, Changkyun wouldn’t receive help at all but they would spend their money on fun things. 

The last months on the year visited Changkyun a lot of attraction parks, pools and fun activities, he came to point where he needed to tell his friends about his condition who all knew to well that it was no point in trying to change the younger his mind. They threw a few parties to remember his name until the month december hit the year. His heart suddenly stopped while he walked down the stairs, the ambulance brought him and his parents to the hospital as fast as possible. They made sure to put Changkyun in the same room and bed where Kihyun had been lying in for a whole year. 

Days went by with Changkyun sleeping for the most time, his parents and friends visited him every day to occupy him until it was the end of the year. ‘’Rest well my dear’’ Changkyun’s mother stroke her child over his hair while Changkyun’s father was holding his hand. _‘’Thanks mom.. dad.. for everything..’’_ Changkyun whispered softly. He didn’t want to cry, he was a big boy, nineteen years old, just like Kihyun. Yet he failed, because the tears stream down automatically. He felt pain coming in his chest, watching how both of his parents also cried and got up, slowly leaving the room, Changkyun requested it, he wanted to be alone while looking at the fireworks that finally started to pop up behind the window. 

Changkyun smiled painfully to the beautiful sparkles flying in the sky. _‘’I am coming for you Kihyun’’_ He whispered, watching the fireworks a little longer to then blink, but his eyes never opened again. Everything turned from black to suddenly bright white, hurting Changkyun’s eyes big time. 

‘’Changkyun?’’ A recognizable voice spoke to him, a voice that Changkyun hadn’t heard in a year, a voice that brought life to his ears, his heart and vision, the bright light turned into a field that was filled with colourful flowers and in the middle a big blossom tree. One of the big branches was holding a swing and on that swing was Kihyun. Changkyun smiled so wide it hurted his cheeks because he wasn’t used to it anymore. ‘’Kihyun!’’ He waved quickly and then he ran, he ran as fast as possible to the boy who jumped of the swing to him. 

The two boys met in a hug, so hard and tight that they fell on the ground between the flowers. ‘’Kihyun’’ Changkyun was on top of him, like that one time on Kihyun’s bed. ‘’Changkyun’’ Kihyun answered him with the most lifeful voice Changkyun ever heard. The elder brought his hands on Changkyun’s cheek, where they belong, full of life and warmth. ‘’Even when you came here, the first thing you did is topping me’’ He jokes. 

Changkyun rolled his eyes ‘’I’m sorry for letting you wait’’ He bumped their foreheads softly together, ‘’It doesn’t matter, you are here, finally, it was worth waiting for’’ Kihyun replied and got silenced when his love finally kissed him on the lips. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again for reading, I hope you enjoyed it  
> dont forget to leave a comment ^^/


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